Chapter 24

 Khushi did her packing absentmindedly. After yesterday's argument, Arnav did not try to meet or call her. Her flight was few hours away. When she came to India, she never thought returning back will be this much difficult for her. 

 Veena came inside her room with a small bag in her hand.

"Keep this also, this was sent by your Amma, some achar and curry powder."

Khushi took the cover from her and kept it inside her luggage without making eye contact with her.

"Sabita will be coming back to Dubai after three weeks only know, will be you be able to manage alone?I told you I can come for one month."

" I will be rejoining office only after 5 days . After that I can work from home for few days or can take her to office with me. you don't have to come with me leaving hospital work. It is just a matter of few days I will manage Aunty.. "

    When Sabita called and requested her to let her stay in India for 3 more weeks, she agreed immediately. She wanted to be alone with Muskaan to come in terms with her lonely life again. Past few weeks she was in a whole different world but now it was time to get back to reality. 

    Her mind told her he is genuinely sorry for the mistakes he had done. But she cannot risk her heart again. It is better this way. A part of her mind was sad as he did not try to stop her from leaving, at the same time she was glad that the matter was ending like this. Maybe they are not destined to be together. Don't know why in the 530 million male population in India, she fell in love with the most complicated one among them. 

    She called and said bye to elders in Lucknow and Shantivan. Di, NK, Payal and Akash came to Vijay's apartment in the morning itself. Arnav did not turn up to see her off. It was good that Arnav did not come, she cannot be weak in front of him. She thought of calling him also, but stopped herself. 

    They reached airport 3 hours prior the departure time. After hugging everyone she wheeled the trolley to the check-in counter keeping Muskaan over it. Once the check in was done she waved at everyone through the glass and one last time she searched for him in the crowd, with a weeping heart She moved towards the immigration counter. 

 Once it is over she called Vijay and asked them not to wait outside anymore as the immigration is finished and she is waiting at the gate.  

She tried to distract herself by spending some time in the duty free t, but it did not help much.

Once the gate was open she was showed the way towards her seat. It was a window seat and a middle seat for her and Muskaan. She made Muskaan sit on the window seat and opened her handbag to keep the passport back. It was then she noticed a blue color envelope inside it. 

 She gave Muskaan her ipad after switching on the pepa pig video to make her sit calmly and started reading the letter inside that envelope.

My dearest Khushi,

    As you know I have the worst handwriting that is why I am typing this letter for you. You know I wanted to say so many things to you but words always failed me. When I talked words became my worst enemy. You were the receiving end of that most of the times. 

    After my parents death, I was living like a machine without any feelings. I remember the exact moment when my heart started beating with some unknown feeling for the first time, It was the moment when you fell into my arms. 

    To be honest the way my heart responded to you made me afraid. When the time passed that feeling  transformed me into a whole new person. I did not want to feel that way so I decided to put a mask of indifference. I pushed you away by insulting you every time you made me feel weak. 

    Why did I beat that goons who tried to push you in Nanithal? Why your tears took my sleep away? Why my eyes always searched for you in a crowd? Why it made me content to see you smile, to see you doing crazy antics.  I knew why but I was not ready to admit it. The anger I showed was always a mask to hide my true feelings. But I hurt you badly in the process of hiding my own feelings. I wanted you to accept that you have feelings for me  when I was not ready to accept my own feelings for you.. I am that kind of a man Khushi.

    I kept that Payal with me because, that was yours. I lied though my teeth that it was a trivial thing for me and insulted you. But trust me Khushi, It was me who was hurt more than you whenever you were in pain. Mujhe faraq padta hai .. Because it is related to you.. And no one touched my heart the way you did.

The day of Akash and Payal's marriage I wanted to tell you that your closeness makes my heart beat faster, I wanted you to know that you brought Arnav Singh Raizada to his knees with your innocence. But seeing you and Shyam together, I lost my control. I wished I had stayed back listening to the whole conversation. 

    My heart was broken.  I judged and punished you. But trust me Khushi I did not marry you for Di. I could also have blackmailed you with your sister's marriage without marrying you.  I married you because I cannot imagine you as someone else's wife. When I felt you love Shyam I wanted to tie you to me permanently. There was no contract, I married you for a lifetime. But I wanted to hurt you for not loving me back. But I knew deep inside that you love me, but I listened to my brain over my heart. 

    You remember the day when I confessed my love to you when I was kidnapped.  I got much time to think about you clearly. I carefully brushed  my memories and I realized the girl who is innocent as you cannot hurt my sister. I was wrong in Judging you.   I don't have any justification for all the times I hurt you Khushi.. 

    When we were on the path to marital bliss my Dadi manipulated me to cancel the wedding. I know Dadi is not fully responsible for that, I am the one who did not bother to get the facts checked. I left you there at the mandap to face the humiliation from the society. I know I could never make it up for you. I am a damaged person Khushi.. That is why I could not handle it when the past came back to me. I know it is a pathetic excuse but that is the truth. I am a coward. 

    There was not even a single day in my life without thinking about you. I could see you everywhere , in my office, apartment everywhere.. I lived with your memories in the last years. I did not abandon you Khushi. I was afraid of myself what if I treat you the same way after marriage when Shyam's truth was out?. I did not trust myself. But I died everyday inch by inch after leaving you.I am sorry Khushi.. I am the most horrible husband any girl could get. I thought you deserved to live a happy life rather than wasting your life with a man who had a complicated past. Because you are the most lovely and wonderful wife anyone could get. But I forgot that you loved this complicated and selfish man wholeheartedly. 

 I was not aware that our Muskaan was growing inside you when I left you.You know how many nights I cried to sleep thinking about the struggles you might have experienced through the pregnancy and delivery without me. 

    I wish so many things were different . I wish I was there when you found out the result of the most beautiful memory we share was growing inside you. I wish I was there to fulfill your pregnancy cravings. I wish I was there with you when you undergone the first scanning. I wish I was there to feel our Muskaan kicking inside you. I wish I was there holding your hands when you were had the C-section. I wish I was there to hold Muskaan first when she came to this world. I wish I was there to take care of you when you were recovering from the surgery. I wish I was there to help you to change our baby's diapers. I missed all those important things. I know I cannot blame anyone else for that. 

    When I met our daughter for the first time I fell in love with you all over again. I am so proud of you Khushi.. You are a brave and strong women. But I am damaged and broken. It is not because of Muskaan I am asking you for a second chance, I want a second chance to change all those dreams into reality which we weaved together. I want a second chance to be a better version of myself. 

    No one in this world love a damaged and unreasonable man like me the way you do.. My happiness is you Khushi and I know I am yours too.. I want to be worthy of you and our daughter. 

    If it was possible I would have changed the past but we do not have that luxury right?  So can you please give me one last chance to replace those unpleasant memories with new happy ones?

Only Your's,

Laad Governor

    She closed her eyes letting the tears flow. The letter brought back many memories buried inside her.  She took Muskaan in her arms ,hugged her tightly and continued to cry.  She turned herself towards the window to avoid facing the passengers trying to find their seats. After few minutes she felt Muskaan struggling to free from the embrace. She loosened her grip and looked at her daughter. 

    Muskaan was looking over her shoulder and smiling widely at someone. Khushi followed her gaze and saw Arnav was standing there. Without any word he placed his laptop bag in the overhead shelf and occupied the seat next to her after taking Muskaan in his arms. He took Khushi's hand with his free hand and brought it close to his lips and kissed her palm.

"I told you I won't leave you alone ever again.." He told looking deeply into her eyes.

 She let him hold her hand as she leaned back on to the seat. The flight took off after sometime - towards a new phase of their life.

Love,

ST